A Lesson In Mindfulness from the Kindergarten Classroom

Originally published April 11, 2022

Life moves fast. Like, it's already the end of the school year and Ezra is almost 4 fast. We are getting ready to move to a home that I will be renting with my brother. I am still knee deep in grad school work. My allergies are crazy.

But, I still need to remember to breathe.

For my action research project for grad school, I taught my kindergarteners how to take belly breaths, which is the kid way of saying deep breathing. In a way, I also re-taught myself. I did the exercise of deep breathing and buzzing out like a bee, hissing like a snake, and exhaling up like a whale.

And, let me tell you I changed too. It's funny how we do something to help others and it ends up helping us too in a way we didn't even realize we needed. I strayed away from my daily practices of mindfulness. In my search for a way to calm my classroom after lunch and teach the little bodies how to handle big emotions, I reminded my big body how to handle big emotions too. Emotions that I had been sweeping under the rug. All the daily stress is now being tackled with breathing and writing, not being thrown into a pile for another day.

Sometimes us adults need to go back to the basics. Breathing is fundamental. Opening your eyes and just saying "I am." is brave and bold, especially in the storms of life. But, we can't forget the day to day too. Don't save your mindfulness for a rainy day. Take this reminder from my classroom and breathe.

Place your hand on your heart and belly. Breathe in and feel your belly balloon fill up. Breathe out and buzz like a bee.

Buzzzzzz,

Angela Pena

Your Mental Health First Aid Kit

Originally published March 8, 2021

Oftentimes, when we are hurt we have a kit on hand with a band-aid and some antiseptic. But what if the hurt is internal? How do we bandage anxiety, depression, or disassociating? I am by no means a doctor or therapist but, as someone with a mental health disorder, I want to share what is in my first aid kit so you can give it a go.

It may help you to have a box or even a pencil pouch to put some items in but I just scatter them around the house where I need them. Your first aid kit can even just stay in your mind for when you need it. There is no wrong way of keeping it. What matters is that you put it into practice when you are in distress.

Distress tolerance is a fancy term for how you get through the ish you're going through in the moment, oftentimes due to being exposed to triggers such as alcohol at a social gathering for a recovering alcoholic or seeing your ex from an abusive relationship while at the grocery store. Here is a sample of both items and concepts that you can put in your first aid kit. I use many of these in mind and have to sometimes switch it up depending on the situation I am faced with. I've developed two lists, one for tangible items and one for concepts/mind techniques:

Items:

-Slinky

-Putty/slime

-Fidget toy

-Picture of someone/something you love

-Flash Cards

-A note from yourself to yourself

-A stress ball

-Hair Tie

-Necklace/Jewelry

-Headphones w/music device

Concepts/Techniques:

- Five Senses: Listing 5 things you can see/touch/taste/smell/and hear in the room

-Count from 1 to 100

-Try and say the alphabet backwards

-Talk to your inner child & be kind to yourself

-Take a cold shower or splash cold water on your face

-Yoga Pose such as the tree pose

-Talk to a friend

-Sing a song you enjoy

- 20 Jumping Jacks

This list is definitely not all encompassing but it helps you get the idea. It takes some experimenting to find what works for you. Some may be useful when you are home, such as a shower, while some are useful on the go. For example, I love wearing a necklace to fidget with when in public and just need to stay grounded. Like my new name implies, the "wabi sabi" way of life is viewing the impermanence and imperfection in the world and embracing it. This means viewing and embracing it in you. Practice and you will find your path.

Create your first aid kit. Write it down, box it up, or mentally take note. There is no wrong way, there's no trying. There is just doing and figuring it out along the way.

Just like first aid kits for injuries, if you find you are in crisis and your first aid kit is unable to help, please call 911, go to the ER, and/or also call the Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255. There is no shame; only compassion. I have used these resources before and I am here. I want you to stay here too.

xoxo,

Angela

Me, Myself, & I: How Being Alone isn't Lonely

Originally posted July 7, 2020

My worst fear for the longest part of my life was living and dying alone. I wanted a committed partner so badly that I found myself skipping through relationships that didn't work and eventually my failed marriage. I delayed filing for divorce partially because I was so scared to be alone. I was scared to be a single mom. But, even with my motherhood out of the equation, being by myself scared me. In reflection, this was because I had lost myself. I was alone with a stranger. There were remnants of who I was but it was like building a house from the ground up since only a flawed foundation was left. I went to therapy, read a ton, blogged, journaled, watched TEDtalks, etc.

If I could go back and tell myself anything during my time of initial healing and being alone, it's that I love myself. I am my constant. I am my best friend, advisor, partner, and advocate. I am not the sum of my mistakes but rather the sum of my limitless potential.

My current state of mind isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes the old thoughts creep up like cracks in the sidewalk that I have to skip over and keep moving forward. I am at peace with them because I know they are part of my past. I had to feel so deeply and hurt the way I did to understand that. I understand these thoughts may still come and go but I don't give them the power I used to. I don't want to lose the now in the past or the possible future.

Today, as I am writing this, it is the 25th anniversary of my Opa's (Grandfather's) passing. Next month it is the 2nd anniversary of my Oma's (Grandma's) passing. Historically, I've been a bit of a mess at this time. While I am at peace with being alone, I can't help but feel the sting of their departure and it is made more apparent how I ache for that type of relationship in my life. One of dedication and growth but also of one where I am able to maintain my identity as an individual, not have it swallowed up in the relationship and a partner's expectations of me. I believe in love & know this is possible. But I also know this is not something that is needed. It is simply a beautiful blessing if it happens.

Until then, I drink my coffee alone. I smile alone. I eat dinner alone. I sing in the shower alone. I am not lonely. And, if the day comes that I fall for someone, I will still sometimes be alone. I will still be an individual and we will stand as a team, not as a blending image, losing ourselves in the relationship only to get tangled up. That's not healthy.

If you're reading this and are looking for some self-love and work, here are a few resources that helped me:

https://drmargaretrutherford.com/selfwork/

https://www.marieforleo.com/blog/

https://www.ted.com/playlists/491/in_celebration_of_being_alone

https://www.ted.com/talks/jonny_sun_you_are_not_alone_in_your_loneliness

xoxo,

Angela

Radical Acceptance & Kindness During Chaos

Originally published March 22, 2020

I wanted the main photo for this post to be one of the first photos I captured of Ezra smiling. He was about a week old here. I keep this photo with me because when shit hits the fan, it is my anchor.

It reminds me that when, in the moment I was tired and struggling, a little bit of sunshine in the form of a baby smile kept me grounded.

Speaking of shit hitting the fan though, COVID19 has really been something else. I understand that it's far worse than the flu and it makes me worried for family with littles and elderly folks. Ezra is higher risk due to his respiratory issues. Point is I'm an empath so I am struggling seeing people in general struggling. I feel like I could help more. I also feel like teleworking while watching a toddler who deviated from his schedule is like juggling knives.

It's times like this where I am struggling with practicing radical acceptance. I'm sprinkling kindness where I can and I find comfort in seeing others doing the same. Someone left girl scout cookies on my porch the other day.

I wanted to write this to just reach out and check in with everyone. If you're struggling, I truly hope that you don't hesitate to say something to me or to anyone. All we can do is practice the serenity prayer like crazy and be there for one another. There's no shame though in feeling like we aren't in control but we can't let it consume us.

Pray, meditate, talk it out. We will cope, we will reflect, and we will rise.

You know I love lists so I'll end again with a list of ten things to do during this time of crisis:

1. Make a cup of tea or coffee.

2. Write a letter and mail it to a friend.

3. Leave "care packages" for neighbors with toilet paper, words of kindess, etc.

4. Color or draw.

5. Make an inspirational playlist.

6. Cook something new.

7. Sleep in (schedule permitting).

8. Build yourself a routine.

9. Check on a friend. Facetime or phone call.

10. Build a pillow fort.

This is definitely a list that can grow exponentially, what would you add?

xoxo,

Angela