New blog, who dis?

 

Welcome to the new blog! About two years ago, I moved to Instagram and Facebook only, trying to focus on facebook as a blog. Well, that didn't happen! To be fair, I also started grad school and teaching so I was already stretched thin. I graduated in December with my MA in Education. Now, in the classroom, I teach high school English. My son Ezra is now starting Kindergarten in the fall. My partner Amelia and I are still going strong. I've been holding it down since, mostly on IG. 

Taking it back though to the blog, writing is a form of therapy for me and I've been blogging in some capacity ever since college. I miss it. I miss creating a post, connecting in a deeper way than the constraints of a caption. 

So, here we are. My new blog! I will try to post 2-4 times a month but part of this process is to not set expectations for myself. I want to just enjoy the day to day and if it happens, great. If it doesn't, that is okay too. 

What kind of posts do you want me to write about? What questions do you have? Let's see what unfolds!

xoxo,

Lala

Your Mental Health First Aid Kit

Originally published March 8, 2021

Oftentimes, when we are hurt we have a kit on hand with a band-aid and some antiseptic. But what if the hurt is internal? How do we bandage anxiety, depression, or disassociating? I am by no means a doctor or therapist but, as someone with a mental health disorder, I want to share what is in my first aid kit so you can give it a go.

It may help you to have a box or even a pencil pouch to put some items in but I just scatter them around the house where I need them. Your first aid kit can even just stay in your mind for when you need it. There is no wrong way of keeping it. What matters is that you put it into practice when you are in distress.

Distress tolerance is a fancy term for how you get through the ish you're going through in the moment, oftentimes due to being exposed to triggers such as alcohol at a social gathering for a recovering alcoholic or seeing your ex from an abusive relationship while at the grocery store. Here is a sample of both items and concepts that you can put in your first aid kit. I use many of these in mind and have to sometimes switch it up depending on the situation I am faced with. I've developed two lists, one for tangible items and one for concepts/mind techniques:

Items:

-Slinky

-Putty/slime

-Fidget toy

-Picture of someone/something you love

-Flash Cards

-A note from yourself to yourself

-A stress ball

-Hair Tie

-Necklace/Jewelry

-Headphones w/music device

Concepts/Techniques:

- Five Senses: Listing 5 things you can see/touch/taste/smell/and hear in the room

-Count from 1 to 100

-Try and say the alphabet backwards

-Talk to your inner child & be kind to yourself

-Take a cold shower or splash cold water on your face

-Yoga Pose such as the tree pose

-Talk to a friend

-Sing a song you enjoy

- 20 Jumping Jacks

This list is definitely not all encompassing but it helps you get the idea. It takes some experimenting to find what works for you. Some may be useful when you are home, such as a shower, while some are useful on the go. For example, I love wearing a necklace to fidget with when in public and just need to stay grounded. Like my new name implies, the "wabi sabi" way of life is viewing the impermanence and imperfection in the world and embracing it. This means viewing and embracing it in you. Practice and you will find your path.

Create your first aid kit. Write it down, box it up, or mentally take note. There is no wrong way, there's no trying. There is just doing and figuring it out along the way.

Just like first aid kits for injuries, if you find you are in crisis and your first aid kit is unable to help, please call 911, go to the ER, and/or also call the Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255. There is no shame; only compassion. I have used these resources before and I am here. I want you to stay here too.

xoxo,

Angela

Me, Myself, & I: How Being Alone isn't Lonely

Originally posted July 7, 2020

My worst fear for the longest part of my life was living and dying alone. I wanted a committed partner so badly that I found myself skipping through relationships that didn't work and eventually my failed marriage. I delayed filing for divorce partially because I was so scared to be alone. I was scared to be a single mom. But, even with my motherhood out of the equation, being by myself scared me. In reflection, this was because I had lost myself. I was alone with a stranger. There were remnants of who I was but it was like building a house from the ground up since only a flawed foundation was left. I went to therapy, read a ton, blogged, journaled, watched TEDtalks, etc.

If I could go back and tell myself anything during my time of initial healing and being alone, it's that I love myself. I am my constant. I am my best friend, advisor, partner, and advocate. I am not the sum of my mistakes but rather the sum of my limitless potential.

My current state of mind isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes the old thoughts creep up like cracks in the sidewalk that I have to skip over and keep moving forward. I am at peace with them because I know they are part of my past. I had to feel so deeply and hurt the way I did to understand that. I understand these thoughts may still come and go but I don't give them the power I used to. I don't want to lose the now in the past or the possible future.

Today, as I am writing this, it is the 25th anniversary of my Opa's (Grandfather's) passing. Next month it is the 2nd anniversary of my Oma's (Grandma's) passing. Historically, I've been a bit of a mess at this time. While I am at peace with being alone, I can't help but feel the sting of their departure and it is made more apparent how I ache for that type of relationship in my life. One of dedication and growth but also of one where I am able to maintain my identity as an individual, not have it swallowed up in the relationship and a partner's expectations of me. I believe in love & know this is possible. But I also know this is not something that is needed. It is simply a beautiful blessing if it happens.

Until then, I drink my coffee alone. I smile alone. I eat dinner alone. I sing in the shower alone. I am not lonely. And, if the day comes that I fall for someone, I will still sometimes be alone. I will still be an individual and we will stand as a team, not as a blending image, losing ourselves in the relationship only to get tangled up. That's not healthy.

If you're reading this and are looking for some self-love and work, here are a few resources that helped me:

https://drmargaretrutherford.com/selfwork/

https://www.marieforleo.com/blog/

https://www.ted.com/playlists/491/in_celebration_of_being_alone

https://www.ted.com/talks/jonny_sun_you_are_not_alone_in_your_loneliness

xoxo,

Angela